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Or all the times I suppose
We want our happiness to be long lasting
And not just temporary paradises we have to leave behind some day soon
I feel like I’ve lived my life having all of these separate epic moments of ecstasy filled joy
and then it’s over, as fast as it came

People ask me, “why do you keep doing it then? Why keep taking these leaps into briefness?”

The truth is, I don’t know how to live any other way.

I don’t know what a constant happy is.i don’t even know if it exist

So I jump and I leap and I dive into these fleeting joys, drinking in its elixir like it’s my last sip of water until I am overwhelmed with the idea that
                      This could be forever,



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and sometimes it’s simple
it’s pebbles beneath my toes in river beds that flow against the creases in my skin
It’s looking at my body against yellow glows, feeling the sweat building underneath my armpits from hard work
The sound of morning sunrises and the way the earth is so much greener in other places
It’s in the way that I bend, and twist, and dance myself into thoughtlessness until

                         I am dizzy...

And sometimes it’s complex
It’s moaning against skin that I’ve only ever dreamed of touching
It’s being called baby
Having my door opened for me
Listening to snores that aren’t my own
Being kissed awake, or kissing awake
The type of man that I want to imagine loving me one day
and sometimes I let myself…

It’s pretending that I don’t want more to get through the night. it’s knowing that I don’t need more to come back to reality. 

It’s giving up the idea of constant, just so I can get through to tomorrow.

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